Rep. Joe Wilson Ready to Capitalize On His Catchphrase "You Lie!"

WASHINGTON -- U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., now infamous for his outburst at President Obama's joint session speech on health care, says he's going to "strike the iron while it's hot" putting out a new line of merchandise featuring his hilarious and popular catchphrase "You lie!"

"We're gonna get some t-shirts, ball caps, koozies, stuff like that for starters," said Wilson, from his office covered in "You Lie!" banners with a DJ spinning records on a "You Lie!" table, featuring a new Black Eyed Peas jam "You-You-You-You! You Lie!."

"You've gotta start small, but we're confident we're gonna get the ball rolling pretty good," Wilson said.

Fox has already devoted a thirty minute block of a new game show, You Lie!, to replace whatever show is dropped mid-season, in which contestants will either have to tell a tale about certain things they have done to Wilson's face, and he will proclaim whether or not they are telling the truth, by yelling "You lie!" or "You (don't) lie!"

"This is tantamount to other wonderful catchphrases that swept the nation in recent history, such as 'Eat My Shorts', "Whazzzzuuuupp?!", and 'Cool Beans,'" said Fox director of marketing Richard North. "Anybody who doesn't think we're going to milk this sucker is," North paused, while chuckling, "Well, I'd just have to say 'You lie!'"

The White House Communications Office, immediately after accepting Wilson's red-faced apology, began to work on their own counter-catchphrase, now deciding between "hell nah" and "b*tch please," with the latter currently in the lead.

What Do All of These Ricky Randoms Mean For Lincoln?

(Ed. Note — After a week sabbatical and then a case of the violently-ill Mondays, the UFW is back for its regular installments. I know you were missing me. I missed you, too.)

Monday morning, I noticed a blog post by Jason "Too Much Time" Tolbert that a retired Army colonel, Conrad Reynolds, was throwing his name into the hat in the ever-shifting, always awkward roster of those Republicans vying for a shot to beat Blanche Lincoln, the Democratic incumbent, in the U.S. Senate.

Tom Cox, the Tea-Bagger. Curtis Coleman, ex-Huckster/Safe Foods mogul. Fred Ramey, a businessman who runs a business. A Chicagoan with Arkansan roots named Chris Bequette is being rumored. Conrad Reynolds. Moneyman French Hill was also rumored, but he seems to be warming up to a Congressional run against Vic Snyder. Kim Hendren, oy vey. Gilbert Baker seems to have quietly bowed out, while Tim Griffin seems to have been playing opossum the whole time.

With the slight exception of a state Senator or two — one of which only made the kind of national headlines that candidates don't want — none of these names are household ones. I'm sure they've got fund raising ability, and I'm sure that in their relative communities, they're pretty popular fellows. But the moniker 'Ricky Random' can be applied to most if not all of them.

Maybe it makes sense for a populist state like Arkansas to have a host of willing contenders ready to throw their names, reputations and families into the ring. A litany of everymen, lining up like a group of modern-day Cincinnatus-es, it's almost compelling.

Emphasis on almost. Compelling doesn't bring home the bacon. My point man on the power of money, David Kinky Kinkade, had a good piece today on the Arkansas Project about how much real dollars some of these candidates are going to have to raise to compete with Lincoln. Like Kinkade, I'll punt on some of the chances these suitors have. Sure, they've got a shot, they're running after all, buuuuuut...

What does this mean for Lincoln exactly? A few points, if I may:

People say she's vulnerable: This isn't news. Polls have been out for a few months now, revealing tepid numbers for anyone, let alone a two-term incumbent. Lincoln has been in the dastardly pickle to pick sides on issues ranging from card check, to health care, and soon, I'd wager, energy, between her more-conservative state and her more-liberal party. This perceived vulnerability allows people who would regularly not consider running to think, hey, maybe I've got a shot.

The field says she isn't vulnerable: What this should also show is that perhaps she isn't so vulnerable after all. You'd think that, if she were after all, so weak and unable to mount a good enough campaign to make up for those meager numbers, that someone of note — like a Mike Huckabee, for instance, or someone in that same vein — would swoop in to take advantage. Elections naturally favor incumbents. Lincoln is a shrewd politician, who wisely straddles the fence on many issues, much to the chagrin of her opponents. She's obviously got not only plenty of people, but plenty of well-off people who aren't afraid to scrawl out a check, again, referencing Kinkade's mention of her $11 million pace she has already set.

More to come: It's still very early in this race, despite what the 24-hour hungry news cycle would let you think. Think about it a couple of months ago. You had Tim Griffin and Gilbert Baker making the most noise. Then Kim Hendren loudly barged into the discussion. Then he loudly pushed the eject button out of the discussion. Names are floating in and out of the conversation in the vacuum of actual news on the subject. There will be more names, some less credible than the roster assembled, others more so.

Like this Tom Cotton guy Sanders opined about. He's not a household name by any means, but he seems to have some pretty big time credentials. Harvard Law grad leading soldiers into battle? Brains and brawn! He's just one of the names I've heard in the ether, and frankly, one that I think, if he is as well-connected as many are claiming he is, has a decent shot in a runoff.

That's pretty much it. Is this the common Arkansan rising up against Lincoln? I doubt it; many Arkansans don't care enough to vote, let alone run. But it should mean that, despite the Ricky Randoms assembled thus far, we should be in for a barn-burner in 2010. Or not! See what I did there?

Suspicion? Me? How Dare You!

There's some national and state news — two separate issues — which are linked by two words: Due suspicion.

Nationally, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is up against the CIA. The CIA says she heard all about the "advanced interrogation" techniques back in 2002. She replies "Nay!" and calls the CIA liars, even when asked to repeat it, saying "Yes (they lied), they misled the Congress of the United States."

The CIA retorts. They — they being headed by a former Democratic colleague of Pelosi by the way — say they've got documentation outlining what they said and when they said it, making no mention of much gray area. Biased information, slanted toward their argument? Perhaps. Until Pelosi backs off her statements, adjusting it to say that the good ole CIA didn't lie through their teeth, rather, it was that danged ole Bush Administration, always getting thems and everyone else into a heapin' helpin' of trouble. Aw horsefeathers, let's forget the whole thing. Right?

Wrong. Point goes to CIA. While decidedly Democratic punditry will say that Republicans are just trying to tie the Speaker to their own sinking Bush/Cheney ship — which I think is entirely accurate — that doesn't mean the rope is faulty. The usually unflappable Pelosi messed up, or, as they New York Times said, there's now a "chink in the armor."

I was alerted to the other instance of due suspicion over the weekend while out of town, via Twitter (groan). Arkansas House Speaker Robbie Wills was on his own defense about yet another lottery ethics story, this time from the ADG's Michael Wickline. "Another ethics story? Yep. I was quoted fairly and accurately. I guess I'll blog about it if I have time later today," said Wills, followed quickly by, "I welcome any concerns or comments about legislative ethics laws at robbiewills.com."

Good for him for standing up to seemingly on-going...I won't say 'criticism,' because his actions haven't been criticized, but perhaps his non-actions have been questioned. 'Questioned' is more apt in this case.

But those non-actions kinda ought to be questioned though, right? Like leaving things out of the lottery bills, and then referencing those things that were left out? Or referencing things that don't exist, like gambling-addiction programs, in the writ of the bill? In Wills' defense, it is a very large bill, one can't expect him to remember all of the ins and outs of it, "it" being the bill he authored.

Brummett has been leading the charge thus far for keeping legislators abreast of what they ought to be doing and saying with regard to Lady Transparency, who is often hailed but is more often neglected in the name of expediency, not necessarily covert malfeasance. He's always in his office, talking with legislators and then columnizing about transparency with the Lottery Commission, education, and mainly with keeping politicians out of the mix altogether. This is all while playing Text Twist. Not bad for an old a guy.

The lesson here is simple: Politicians on every level, by their very definition and mandate, are suspicious. Not to bore you with philosophical history, but Plato, while imagining his Socratic political utopia, called a kallipolis, that presiding over the country would be philosopher-kings. He chose philosophers not because they were smart or good-looking (Socrates was apparently hideously repugnant), but because philosophers in this case were judged to be the ones in the community who were most prudent, most judicious, and the least likely (as in never) to use their power corruptly.

Is there a politician out there who wants to be held to that standard? Pelosi acts offended that anyone would question her about tactics during the Buuuuush Administration. While pointing the finger, she didn't seem to consider the finger might be pointed back at her, as if being in the party of power is bulletproof. "Why aren't you believing me? I'm a Democrat! Who do you think I am? Cheney?"

One Wills quote kind of says it all for me with regard to the possibility of suspicion, this time on the subject of there being a cooling off period for legislators getting into the lobbying business, and perhaps creating various conflicts of interest while in office" He said it was "a solution in search of a problem."

It's true that you aren't seeing a bunch of legislators pushing a bunch of bills that they will just-so-happen to be advocates of via a hardy paycheck. But the "problem" is always there. Suspicion doesn't mean implication, and it certainly doesn't mean indictment. Unless legislators are claiming infallibility, which I don't think they are, then these ethics stories are going to keep mercifully rolling.

Good, I say.

Local Fisticuffs

"Man 1: Hey you, let's fight.
Man 2: Them's fightin' words!"
-The Simpsons

Roby Brock's article about the ever-daunting task of picking which unlucky soul will have to run against Gov. Mike Beebe in 2010 was enlightening. The writ outlining the fact that if the Republican Party of Arkansas wants to remain intact legally, they will have to put one of their lambs to slaughter was particularly interesting.

Basically, it means the mob will have their bloodbath.

But GOP head honcho Doyle Webb's musings about how people are "ready" and "willing" to be forced to step up to the plank- I mean plate was interesting as well. And maybe I'm reading to closely between lines that aren't really drawn, but his one-liner about the potential for the state's three congressional Democrats to draw opponents was particularly interesting.

I mean, isn't there enough blood being shed already?

You can ask my friend John Brummett about the ineptitude of the state's GOP. Take it with a grain of salt named David Sanders and you'll likely find the truth in the middle, but the truth is that the party can't swing much in Arkansas.

I hesitate to say 'of no fault of their own' but will stop short of saying quite that. I'm sure there is plenty that the party or former party leaders (cough, Huckabee, cough) could have done to help steady the ship, but the fact that Democrats have long managed and maintained this circus isn't really news so much as an understood axiom of Arkansas Politics: In any other region, they'd be Republicans, but in Arkansas, the Arkansas Democrat roams unfettered by national politics.

The only actual candidate who has voiced his candidacy for a delegate office, Senate-hopeful Kim Hendren, was a Democrat for years, and is now an ardent Republican. Like Brummett said: Same book, different cover. That applies to more than just a Kim Hendren.

The candidates will come. They have to. But what can they possibly do to win?

Nobody will likely touch Marion Berry. He's got the farmers in his corner and is a founding Blue Dog. There's some sect of more liberal Democrats running ads against Berry, but anyone in their right mind can see that's just foolhardy. Mike Ross is a young buck, comparatively, but still a powerful incumbent, but other than that I don't know much about him. He's got a funny haircut. I see him being the most "vulnerable," to use that word loosely, only because I know the others are pretty much bulletproof.

Vic Snyder has everything a politician could want on a resume: Veteran, doctor, lawyer, state legislator, experienced national legislator. He usually garners tepid poll numbers (likely due to the conservative rural perimeter surrounding Pulaski County), but always comes through and wins by the most vast of margins. The only struggle he'll have concerning re-election is whether or not the new triplets will affect his intentions of staying in office, as some often unfoundedly speculate. I haven't heard any intentions of a retirement from the good doctor.

I guess we should look at John Boozman, to keep things fair, but he is a Republican in friendly, friendly NWA waters. As political analyst Bill Vickery said, "He is undefeatable in that district."

There are two tactics opposition can take: Strike weaknesses or put forth a more popular candidate. The former seems nearly impossible as the resume's of these candidates are all quite lofty.

In the early 90's, Arkansas Men's basketball was visited by and were subsequently thumped by the University of Las Vegas. UNLV's biggest and baddest player, Larry Johnson, after nearly shattering the rim and flexing in Todd Day's face, sauntered over to Coach Nolan Richardson and said not-so-politely, "Coach. You need to get you some men."

The same is true for the Arkansas GOP, although gender isn't a prerequisite: They need to get some playmakers. The message is similar to the Democrats. Their members are strong. They need to get stronger people. And fast.

Professional Journalists Set to Convene, Shrug Awkwardly About New Media

The rest of the blogosphere seems to be all about this regional gathering of the Society of Professional Journalists scheduled for this weekend.

Rutherford expectedly whined about an inability to Twitter about the event in his absence, which brought up his first good point of the week: Some may be unable to attend the event to hear Kinkade and Conan wax eloquently about New Media, or to hear me ramble incoherently about the magic boxes that control them there interwebs.

So here's a preview, what literally half-dozens of people will line up to hear us say:

"I don't know." (This declarative statement will then be a variance of shrugging, nervous glances, and stuttered, empty platitudes about how "interesting the subject is")

That's the God's honest truth. Nobody knows how this New vs. Old Media thing is going to play out. If I know the answer to this question, you'd never hear from me again on this medium, because I'd be too filthy stinking rich, driving fast cars and trying on fly suits.

I really think that before we figure this level-kajillion-Sudoku enigma out, we're going to have to take several steps back, deep into the recesses of journalistic philosophy and rediscover what it means to be someone who delivers news.

I think we — naturally and unashamedly and with good reason — look at how to monetize the market the way our predecessors monetized newspapers. And it's much more complex. This isn't like figuring out how to fit a square peg in a round hole; It's more like figuring out how to throw a monster truck into a blender to make a banana daiquiri.

I think once we step back and look at the services the news industry has and does offer, I think we'll be able to make headway. I believe it can be done. They monetized music in the wake of the Napster crisis of aught-one, not that music and news are compatible in business models.

One of the wisest sages of our time — Conan O'Brien, of course — offered a segment on the subject on his feature "Glass Half Empty, Glass Half Full." Here's that, paraphrased:

"Half-Empty: The print media business is hemorrhaging money in the wake of the internet and New Media, and struggling to find a way to make money off of it.
Half-Full: Hey, it worked for porn!"

It's that sort of Can-Do attitude that's going to get the media business back on track. Innovation is the life force behind the capitalist markets to which we all subscribe.

Somebody's got that idea right now between their ears. I hope they're my friend. Or better yet, me.

You can never have too many fly suits.

Is Breaking Someone's Thumbs a "Legal Avenue?"

Briefly, on Obama vs. AIG.

AIG was/is broke, and has accepted large sums of bailout cheddar in order to stay afloat, only to turn around and issue about $165 million in executive bonuses under "contractual obligations."

Obama says no dice, fool. He's encouraging his man in the field, Timmy "Asthma" Geithner, to pursue "every legal avenue" to make sure that these people can't pay these bonuses.

It's quite the pickle.

The President is still trying to stimulate the economy but let the businesses play ball. But these businesses — the executives of which by the way, haven't really proven themselves to be, how do you say, good at their jobs — are refusing. Admittedly, their CEO Libby has bitten the sacrificial bullet, taking a tremendous pay cut to one dollar, but that's about $164,999,999 too little of a cut, says most.

The government already took over one bank, Citigroup. I don't think they want to take over another (although they already own a measly 80 percent of AIG). Then we're getting into some pretty serious territories over government control of businesses, more socialist angst, etc. etc. Even with their controlling stake, politicians are put off about just what to do.

This fellow from The Daily Beast has a pretty neat idea: Why doesn't Obama just ask them to forgo their bonuses? Not threaten with pseudo-legalese, or make them criminals in the public eye, but simply ask them because their country needs it. The author points to the need for sacrifice that is apparent during war times, and equates the current climate to economic warfare.

Obama is set to go on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Thursday, the only sitting President to do so, and likely one of the only Presidents who can garner enough public appeal to make a pleasant appearance. Don't expect any shoe tossers. Here's where Obama will be at his best: Outside of politics, drumming up public support for his economic vision.

The point is this — Don't expect AIG to win verses the President. In fact, it'd be best for everyone if the two just found a common ground. But so far, neither have budged. Obama might be able to take a graceful offensive; Use his best weapon (public appeal) to wrap his arm around the shoulders of AIG and give them a hug. Or a squeeze?

House Rules Committee (Verbally) Bludgeons AG McDaniel in the Head Repeatedly

The Gauntlet: She has been thrown.

News of Attorney General Dustin "The Dog Whisperer" McDaniel and his ethics reform bills spread like wildfire throughout the legislative halls. McDaniel's announcement of the twin bills, one to offer a "cooling off" period of a year to former legislators before they can get back into the legislators via lobbyists and another that makes legislators pay for food that they eat, came around the noon hour.

Shortly thereafter, a verbal fracas erupted, sending all those involved to the capitol nurses' offices for hot towel treatments, Flintstone vitamins, and even a thermometer for one of the legislators involved.

Rumor has it that as soon as the news broke from the AG's office, the House Rules committee, who is expected to deal with the ethics package once it takes the cakewalk through the Senate, kicked the doors to the office in, and in a very choreographed, and very deliberate way, began to verbally beat McDaniel until he could hardly put out a press release.

The committee, apparently after taking a short break following their choreographed number which provided "super intimidation," according to committee member Steve "The Bod" Harrellson, verbally ganged up on McDaniel to let him and his buddies know that nobody messes with legislators and their lunches or their potential lobbying careers.

(While chewing gum loudly) "You know, it's just stupid, ya know?" said an obviously frustrated Gregg "Don't Fear the" Reep. "I mean, I'm term limited, dog. I need a job after I get done with this. And I gotta eat. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?!" Reep then used a capitol coat rack as a javelin and threw it through McDaniel's pick-up truck windshield, before starting a slow clap with the rest of the committee members.

Rep. Barry Hyde, D-Dogtown, said he'd had enough, but couldn't remember why.

Rick Saunders kept the perimeter secure during the entirety of the verbal fisticuffs, while holding a 40 pound boom box over his head, blaring Guns N Roses' Welcome to the Jungle.

"No more Miss Nice Gal," declared Kathy Webb. She then began to sternly dictate a House Concurrent Resolution entitled "Dustin McDaniel is a Big Stupid Dummy Who is Bad at His Job and Smells like a Foot," and filed it shortly after.

The bill is expected to sail through committees and chambers and is to be signed by Gov. Mike Beebe in a press conference as early as next Tuesday.

The sole Republican on the committee, Rick Green, R-Van Buren, was the only person who was uninvolved in the communal verbal thrashing. For partisan purposes, Green was asked by the committee to not get involved, but was allowed to quote "stand off to the side, and tremble with a real mean look in his eye, like he was the really crazy one of the group, because every group has THAT guy."

(While simultaneously flexing his calf muscles and dipping an entire can of Skoal)"AM I RIGHT?! AM I RIGHT?! GREEN IS CRAZY! AM I RIGHT?!" confirmed Gregg Reep again, starting yet another slow clap, then tying a black skull-and-cross bones bandanna around his head.

No comment from McDaniel, but he is said to be holding up well at the duplex of Sen. Steve Faris' in Malvern. Faris is carrying one of the bills in the Senate, and has assured McDaniel's safety from more verbal taunts.

Sen. Gilbert Baker, R-Conway, who is also carrying one of the ethics bills, offered to take McDaniel in, but his neighbor, Conway native Robbie Wills, said "Nah dog. Not in my house. Not in my house," and allegedly and verbally tossed a boutonniere-shaped brick through Baker's front bay window.

More on this story as it doesn't develop.

-----------------------

So apparently, McDaniel is trying to get these ethical matters put to rest through legislative discourse. Conflict of interest is a big deal, after all, and even if there is none with these legislators or commission members-turned-lobbyists, or their meals on wheels, hadn't we at least discuss it?

Like in a committee? I'm not saying I'm for or against the bill, as it hasn't been fully considered yet. How can these leaders who say — before a bill has even been filed, mind you —that it's all going to be D.O.A.?

Just my two cents, but in order to be transparent, the unsettling feelings that surround these instances at least deserve...I don't know.... respectful consideration?

"Education" Lottery Indeed

The big news around the Capitol is this business concerning the new-fangled lottery, and who ought to be disbursing the fund therein. Is it a state agency? The legislature? An oracle who is only used every once in awhile, and while omniscient, also wields disastrous fates for those who dare call on her wisdom?

The answer is that nobody really cares, so long as the proper amounts are sent through the proper channels and the money ends up where they say it's going to end up: In the pockets of worthy students seeking to further their education.

But that's the most important facet and of the literally dozens of articles published from various news outlets and of the mouths of legislators and political leaders rarely mentioned: The education.

This lottery was set up for the sole purpose allowing Arkansas students the financial wherewithal to attend a college or university (preferably in-state, nudge nudge), regardless of their income. If a student has a 2.5GPA, they should have the ability to go to college, I heard legislators say. I couldn't agree more.

There's a reason for lack of a discussion of education in a lottery dedicated to it: Education in Arkansas is sitting relatively pretty.

No, really. It is. I know this may come as a shock to my interstate readers, those in the Leno crowd and all. And sure, there are some questionable, backwooded areas of the Natural State with a high proclivity toward an excessive amount of toes, unbeknownst to the keepers of these phalanges, as they have difficulty counting numbers higher than twelve.

But I digress.

In fact there are several reasons for this, but the critical point is that legislators should thank their lucky stars that they don't have such an encumbrance in the first place. Like Arkansas' good standing with regard to its economy (tremendous tax hike or not), it's something that many people — 40 other states, fact — wish they, too, could claim. A couple of reasons why:

First, public schools. Arkansas has made strides, rising to tenth in the nation in public education. Take that, 80 percent of the country. You've just been beaten by Arkansas in the spelling bee, per se.

You hear about the public schools in counties neighboring Pulaski county as being top notch, the source of great pride for the respective cities. The only town in Arkansas to don the moniker "boomtown" according to a nationwide survey was Cabot, AR. I spoke personally with the current mayor and the former mayor during the middle four years of the survey, and both were quick to credit, you guessed it, the schools as the primary draw to their community.

Established universities like the U of A establish new ways to learn for those with deficiencies or debilities, as the Bureau's sports columnist, Harry "Father Time" King reported last month.

Speaking of debilitated, school districts that had been declared fiscal disaster areas, like Clinton and Bismark, were able to pick themselves up and get about the business of straightening themselves out, benefiting their students most importantly.

My primary concern throughout the lottery and scholarship discussions regards the retention of students who would receive these scholarship funds, basically a concern of whether or not this lottery is indeed helping students achieve their desired degree. That's the point of this, after all, isn't it?

The retention numbers of the state are grim, at a substandard 18.2 percent. But the Southern average is only 27 percent, a number for which there is an entirely separate task force strategizing to achieve. Even amidst a dark cloud, there seems to be a silver lining. As a friend of mine from Texas claimed, "If college retention is your biggest problem, you're headed in the right direction."

I saw a comment on another blog where someone was still lamenting that there was a lottery, in fact saying that as long as the church had a say, there'd be no lottery. That ship has come and gone. The lottery is here. It's something that needs to be vetted, mulled over, discussed, debated, all of that fine politickin'. But it should be mentioned that this process is made that much better and easier by having a quality education system in place.

Now I don't want to boost anyone's ego too terribly much. That'd just be foolhardy. The education in Arkansas isn't where it should be, where it could be. We've still got a long way to go before the stereotypes against an intellectual Arkansas are no longer fulfilled on a daily basis to be paraded in the national spotlight.

But at least we're not as far off as we could be. This lottery deal is a reflection of that; It is a profitable means to a worthy end.

That's it. No catch. Just a compliment or two. Arkansas deserves some credit here and there.

Romney on MLK Day: Epic Fail

Usually, I try to craft my writing so that the main point is seen at the conclusion of the piece following logical progression and discourse, but a video like this is enough to warrant a front-loading of the overarching point:

The likelihood of the Old Republican Guard ushering in a supposed "New Age" for the GOP is slim to none, and leaning heavily toward the latter.

Here we have Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts, is seen here chumming with a bunch of African-American people celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. Now, there is nothing wrong with celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, even if you're white. But I think it should reserved more solemnly than Romney delivers here.

Who let the dogs out? What's happenin'? Bling? Bling?

I'm sorry, Romnians, but this is political bull. There has been a strong call from the top down to integrate more of the minority culture into the GOP, specifically by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky, as I said here. People will say that the Republican party doesn't have anything to offer minorities, but I don't think that the party discriminates as a matter of principle or ideal, rather its constituency often discriminates, infamously the ones down here in the good ole South, but definitely elsewhere as well. Ideological stances aside, the GOP is seen as the Old-Fashioned Honky Country Club that stood defiant against the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's.

That's the image, anyway. It's a fine suggestion to make the public step of embracing progress, especially toward minorities. Getting an African-American to be the RNC Chairman? Good. Getting the Whitest White Guy you can to start throwing around kitschy phrases that are supposed to sound like you're "down with it?" Bad.

A nice start would be to stop treating those in the minority like a prize to be won in a sweepstakes, and start treating them like people. A minority is not a person; It's a demographic.

Frankly, I don't see this fraternity of old white men being able to usher in this new era of which McConnell so earnestly waxed regarding a strategic and ideological shift in the GOP. It's going to take some new blood, fresh faces, fresher ideas, and time.

Time to forget the old way. Time to embrace — or come up with — a new way. Mitt Romney is the old way. Who the new way is represented by is yet to be seen, but if the Republican party hopes to remain relevant, it had better come sooner than later.

UPDATE: RNC Chairman Steele is all about how Republicans look in "hip-hop settings." It's a good start— he'll be able to use this Romney video as a "What Not To Do" example.

UPDATE II: The Daily Show's Samantha Bee chimes in.

Oh, I Thought Your Seat Belt Wasn't On...What's In the Trunk?

A bill is currently advancing through the Arkansas Legislature that irks me on various levels for varying reasons.

Senate Bill 78 would make the act of not wearing a seat belt a primary offense, meaning that they can be pulled over for that reason and that reason alone. Right now, one can only be given a ticket if they are already pulled over and have previously failed to click it.

So if I'm flying down I-30 headed to God's Country, Saline County, Arkansas at about 73 miles per hour, and a police officer sees that my seat belt is not fastened, bingo. I'm pulled over and may be issued a ticket, if the officer claims that I, indeed, was not wearing the seat belt that I indeed fasten every time I drive, mostly out of sheer reflex — my father was and is still a stern advocate of buckling up. And he's a rather large fellow who could crush most men, and most certainly a growing boy, with his bare hands.

My first point of ire was the same as Senate Minority Leader Denny Altes, R-Fort Smith. “How are you going to be able to enforce this law?”

State Police Director Col. Winford E. Phillips, speaking for SB 78, said very plainly that an officer would have to see the violation first, and if he cannot see that the seat belt is being worn, he (or she, ahthankyou) has no reason to stop the car.

How is an officer supposed to be able to hawkeye a driver's left shoulder to determine whether or not they're wearing a seat belt? It just doesn't seem feasible unless one is in a congested area, like downtown or something.

But I'm rather concerned with that other point: The reason.

An officer must have good cause or reason to pull someone over. You swerved, you sped, you tossed your slushie cup, what have you. Police officers have a lot of latitude to say whether or not someone has done these things, and understandably so. There's no telling how many lives have been saved by officers getting swerving drunks off the road and in jail where they belong.

But might law enforcement officers be granted undue latitude with this law? It's based, after all, with what they perceive, not an act that might be verified by any other number of means, like a swerving man might knock over a trash can, or pop a curb or something. With this, it's mere appearance; it looks like that guy might not be wearing a seat belt, and the sirens blare.

Many will be quick to jump this commentary as that of an anarchical alarmist — someone who is ever-fearing the heavy hand of the Man, and swift to accuse police of brutality, racism, and any other vice that seems often contrary to common sense. That is not the case. I know many, many police officers and many, many of them are fine upstanding individuals who would never dare to do such things.

But why bring up the question? Why even allow the idea in people's minds? I asked a colleague of mine one time whether or not he thought Hillary Clinton's being married to Bill, who went around collecting money from other nations for his charitable fund, created a conflict of interest. He replied that in actuality no, it didn't matter but that that didn't matter; there was a newfound reason to be suspicious.

I don't think that police will be more inclined to do dastardly deeds, but I'd rather them not be under more scrutiny therein.

And how many more lives are saved by pulling over numerous people who may in fact be wearing their seat belts? How many people swerving drunkenly, undetected by police officers who have someone pulled over because of their safety belt? There are a gamut of questions that would need to be rectified.

I don't think I'll have to spend too much time thinking about it. I believe police do — and rightfully so — have bigger fish to fry.

US Automakers to Punch 'Zoom Zoom' Kid in Face Repeatedly

Well, not literally, but the U.S. Auto Industry would do that and more if they thought it would pull them out of the proverbial pickle in which they find themselves currently.

The whole scene is would be pretty hilarious, were billions of dollars and the livelihoods of thousands of Americans at stake.

Basically you've got Moe, Larry and Curly — Chrysler, General Motors and Ford, respectively — find themselves in the midst of economic strife. They've been outsold by foreign markets for decades now, and their stubborn business model is now kicking them in the behind.

Chrysler and G.M. are already set to receive billions in aid; tax-payer bootstraps with which they can attempt to pull themselves up with. And all three are now to be supervised by the only person Obama trusts with his wallet and/or fanny pack, Timmy Geithner, and the chairman of the National Economic Council, Lawrence H. Summers (hopefully the brother or cousin of Marc Summers of Nickelodeon lore, so we can hope to see some slime, gak, or at the very least, Fraggle Rock...it would be a banner day for America).

Summers and Geithner are the substitute for Obama's original idea for a Car Czar, which fell apart soon after the idea was proposed by an eight year old to say it ten times fast. They will oversee the committee that will be dragging the auto industries, seemingly against their will, into hopeful prosperity and self-sustenance. They will be a "resource" to approve the decisions that the leaders of these businesses have proven they have no such competency to do.

I say, good.

If there has ever been an industry that needs the heavy hand of government, it's the auto industry. They've been peddling and drubbing the American people for a very, very long time. They make cars that need too much maintenance and need too much fuel to run. They've been banking on the arrogance and nationalism of people who say "Hey man, I buy Amurican!" as people who drive Hondas and Toyotas fill up for about ten dollars and speed away without worrying about their cars breaking down.

It's obvious that the leaders of the Auto Industry have to be taken by the hand and walked like small children through the daily chores of running a business, but who said that the government was responsible for making sure a company was run well?

In November, when all of the auto giants were dusting off their coffers and their bean cans and going on Capitol Hill, Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., said it best:

"Their board rooms in my view have been devoid of vision," said Sen. Dodd. "They have promoted and often driven the demand of inefficient, gas guzzling vehicles, and dismissed the threat of global warming."

Well put. And we're going to put these blind men behind the wheel of their businesses? Shouldn't the government effectively say "Up yours, buddy" to these inept slackers who have driven their own businesses into the ground?

The problem is that there are thousands of Americans who have jobs in the Auto Industry, who of no fault of their own, find their jobs and well-being at risk because their well-educated CEO decided that losing only $14 million last year was peachy enough to merit a bonus.

The government isn't bailing out the auto industry; they're bailing out the people who are lethally tethered to it, caught up in the wake of a large vessel that could very well be headed for a waterfall.

No doubt these companies will pat themselves on the back, award themselves bonuses and put themselves in a similar situation soon after all of their money is backed by tax payers and they give the utmost and strict assurances to pay the money back.

Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice, shame on me. That's the big question: After all this dust settles, are we going to let them have free reign to muck this business all up again? Maybe this bailout should be about the insurance of the well-being of the intended recipients of the bailout — the workers — and less about the bozos who made the bed in which they're now resting not-so-comfortably.

But they could totally start by wailing on that Zoom Zoom kid. It gets stuck in your head, you hear children whispering behind you, you start questioning every ethnic kid you see about which car is the best...it'd be in every one's best interest just to get him out of there.

Sen. Pryor: The Magic Number is $789 Billion

I had a chance to speak with Sen. Mark Pryor, D-Arkansas, this morning in a telephone conference call with other media folk, and Pryor said that he had some breaking news on the Stimulus & Recovery Package or the Spend & Swindle Package, whichever way you're taking it now.

Pryor says that the magic number the Senate and House hope to agree upon in an upcoming special committee prior to its re-vote in the House is $789 billion.

Pryor also said that in the Senate, Democrats reached across the aisle and made bipartisan amendments to slim what he said was at one time in the $900 billion range on the stimulus, and that he supported the bill following the addition of said amendment.

"We decided to make some cuts that ultimately focused more on job creation and recovery," said Pryor (which is kind of funny, because I thought that's what the entirety of the bill was supposed to be focused on — woe to me and my boundless ineptitude).

The special joint committee between the House and the Senate is expected, so says Pryor, to try to work out the disparity between the House and the Senate bills, which is in fact the same bill, down to $789 billion.

I'm reading around and many are saying that the bill is supposed to be much higher, with the Senate bill being around $838 and the House version around $820, and you'd think it'd be in that ball park, but Pryor said otherwise, straight from the horse's mouth.

He said that this is an ear-mark free bill and isn't like the New Deal, full of government handouts. Rather, it will be mostly handled by the private sector. Whether or not he's talking about the same private sector that tanked on Obama's ole buddy Geithner yesterday wasn't discussed in the phone call. Let's keep em crossed that there's another one he was talking about.

Pryor also said that he was "optimistic" about the bill passing in the House, and said that Democrats were going to try harder than ever to get at least a little more than zero Republican votes on the bill in the House. The Senate stimulus got three whole unnecessary Republican nods from Senatoritas Susan Collins of Maine, Olympia Snowe also of Maine and Senator Arlen "Not Related to the Murderer Phil" Spector of Pennsylvania, likely ruining his shot at renomination in his own primary but receiving a nice pat on the back from across the aisle.

The special joint committee includes Senators Cochran, R-MS, Grassley, R-IA, Reid, D-NV, Baucus, D-MT, and Inoyue, D-HI, while the House is bringing Obey, D-WI, Rangel, D-NY, and Waxman, D-CA. If Democrats are really pumped up about bipartisanship and getting this thing passed amicably in the House, they might've started by including some on this joint whittling discussion, don't you think?

Locally, Arkansas is sitting pretty if the stimulus bill passes, Pryor said.

The Senator said that the Natural State is slated to receive $360 million for "shovel ready" projects. Pryor said that "shovel ready" didn't mean that a shovel was necessarily involved and that I was just being silly, but rather it meant that it's a project due to start in the next 180 days at most, with some beginning even 60 and 90 days from now.

"Arkansas currently has $1.1 billion scheduled in projects in the next 180 days," Pryor said. "People may complain 'We're only getting $360 million,' but there's a third of those projects taken care of instantly."

Obama is wanting to sign this deal by the end of the week, and his proposal knew very little bounds. Despite how these Republicans might struggle or how these Democrats might genuinely want and amicable resolution, the Democrats have more firepower and are lead by a guy who wants nothing more than to get this thing rocking and rolling on all cylinders ASAP. Like it or not, it's coming.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. I look forward to seeing if this will be labeled as noble expedience or stubborn hastiness.

UPDATE: Just remember you heard it here first.

Stimuwhat? Stimuthis

I just received a lovely bit of columnar from our dear friends at the Austin Statesman about their proposal for their slice of the stimulus pie.

Nearly a million in Frisbee golf.

Not kidding either. Austin wants to build a new 36-hole Frisbee golf course in addition to the other mainstream repairs to roads and infrastructure for which the stimulus seems most intended for. Apparently from the desk of the Wall Street Journal (who so callously and tyrannically doesn't allow free access to their material...the old timey print-media types), and claim that Austin may have been outdone in their attempts at frivolity.

Chula Vista, California wants a leash-free area for dogs at a half-million, Lincoln, Nebraska wants a new golf course for three easy payments of $999,999.99, and last but not least, Boynton Beach, Florida put in for a multi-million dollar butterfly and turtle cage. I mean, we're talking about billions for dollars in buy-outs, what's a couple half million.

I've had lengthy discussions with my friend, an Austin-native, now a Dallas refugee, and I can't for the life of me put my finger on the exact problem, other than that this seems like an inherent affront to the sensibilities of what this bailout is supposed to be about.

It seems bad because there are people across the country — Detroit, for example — where people aren't struggling to find a way to squeeze in eighteen holes of butterflyful golf, but trying to make dollars out of dimes, scrapping the very bottom of the very last piggy bank they can find.

But Arkansas — although not so frivolously — has already brought up a potential snagging point with this stimulus. I got to interview Gov. Mike Beebe's assistant when Obama made his outline for the stimulus on January 8th.

While on board with the stimulus, Beebe said that a lot of his discussions with Pres. Obama were based around making sure that Arkansas was not left out of the stimulus picture, even though the state was and is doing relatively well in the trenchant economy. Beebe used the term "good stewards" to describe the state of Arkansas' economy.

Austin is doing very well, a positive and thriving economy based primarily on the technology industry. So, shouldn't it stand to reason that they ought to be rewarded for their good management of their economy? Ought they be rewarded with a couple of holes of Frisbee golf?

My concluding thoughts — and I suspect my Longhorn friend's are as well — are that no, they ought not be granted such luxuries while others toil in near financial ruin. Their reward is that they don't need the stimulus. Their reward is that when it's all said and done, God willing, everyone will be doing well, while they are doing the best. That initial inkling of suspect spending seems to be right on. This stimulus is a pickle, indeed.

But it's a nice thought. With this Frigid February breathing down my neck, I could toss a discus or two.

Not Joe the Plumber again...

Just when I get to hoist the GOP getting a much-needed face lift by getting an African-American chairman and appealing to this fresh new attitude of a bipartisan love-fest on Capitol Hill, I get this little nugget of information that sends all positive feelings of affirmation crashing down.

Joe the Plumber — the only thing more gimmicky than Sarah Palin in the 2008 election — will be the featured guest of honor at the Conservative Working Group in Washington, a collection of congressional aides and players who regularly meet to "strategize" for the Republican party.

I put "strategize" in quotes because I'm not sure if this qualifies; Strategy is usually reserved for progressive planning for a certain organization, and if this is their best shot, it's not strategy; It's folly.

The headline reads that he's fresh from his stint as a war correspondent in Gaza, which means someone else had the bright idea to cling to this guy's new found celebrity. The CWG is calling this man forward to discuss different ways to revamp the party, and forecast and plan for the future ahead.

This is worse than the stuff Joe regularly sifts through during his more-ballyhooed nine-to-five job.

The GOP is using and admittedly taking the advice of a man who may be a popular voice among the Republican faithful, but came under fire in his own right for not paying his taxes, and we all know how faux pas that is these days with the falling out of Daschle and Killefer.

This man has no credentials, no promise, and little to show other than a brief flash-in-the-pan, 15 minutes of fame, coat-tail riding, made-for-cable-or-straight-to-video-movie style that seems to have got some people in Congress to say, "Hey! I'm void of any workable ideas! Let's see what this guy who fixes toilets has to say! He's been on television!"

If the Grand Old Party thinks clinging to a recently failed gimmick is the answer to some of their fundamental strategic problems, they've got more problems than I thought.

Governor Retahd Digs a Deeper Grave

When I was about eight or nine years old, I decided it would be an awesome idea to try out a lot of my dad's power tools, namely the power drills, when the folks were out. I quietly absconded with the machinery into my bedroom and began drilling through anything and everything in my room. Toys, books, pillows; it was all gravy.

Then I decided to grow up a bit and get to some more productive drilling. That wall had to go. I drilled about ten holes in the drywall in between my room and my brother's room. Only after I had calmed down from my drilling frenzy did I think, Maybe...Just MAYBE this was a bad idea. I moved my dresser over the destructed wall but to no avail — Scotty the Body (aka Dad) found the destruction and questioned me immediately about my obvious transgressions.

I stood poised to create a whimsical and fantastical defense. I rose like Clarence Darrow, ready to weave some sort of intelligible alibi, likely impugning my little brother or our cross-eyed neighbor. As I opened my mouth, my Dad quickly cut me off and laid down some logic that to this day I believe to be true.

"Son, don't lie to me. We both know what you did. If you lie to me now, it's only going to get a lot worse. So just tell me the truth, and we can deal with it. But don't lie; you're only going to make it worse."

I learned two things that day: reckless drilling leads to sore backsides, and getting caught lying leads to much worse.

So you can see why I might be so frustrated at this ex-Gov. Rod The Retahd Blagojevich, not so much for his stupidity in the first place, but at his added stupidity with this media-rampage that is keeping the regular guests off The View. Just thinking about all of the sexy guests and rising stars that could have been on that show instead of some awkwardly-haired liar.

On a quick sidenote, there is something ungood about that guy's follicle arrangement. It's too thick to be declared fraudulent, yet far too shapely and too life-of-its-own-like to be considered mere hair. More on that as it develops, I suppose.

Anyway, the FBI has been tailing this guy for months for all sorts of differnt misgivings and errors, from extortion and laundering and abuse of power. So they're recording him. Then, they get something they can't just keep to themselves: he tries to sell President Obama's vacant seat in the Senate. They have tapes. They have records. They have transcripts.

FBI agents testified to this point today during Blago's impeachment trials. From the AP:

Again and again, agent Daniel Cain told state senators he had accurately quoted Blagojevich in a sworn affidavit filed when the governor was arrested last month on federal corruption charges. At each stage, House prosecutor David Ellis displayed the most damning quote on a poster board.

The affidavit quoted Blagojevich saying his power to name a replacement to Obama's vacant Senate seat was a "valuable thing, you just don't give it away for nothing." Ellis asked if that was accurate.

Yes, Cain replied.

Did he say, "I've got this thing and it's (expletive) golden, and uh, uh I'm just not giving it up for (expletive) nothing"?

Yes, Cain said.

Did he say, "I want to make money"?

Yes, Cain said.

The lawyer here obviously tracked his thoughts very carefully, so as not to be encumbered by any legal ambiguity. For the record, the FBI agent said Blago called the seat a "golden opportunity" that he wasn't going to "give away for forking nothing."

The hand is in the cookie jar. The holes have been drilled in the wall. Here's where you grin to yourself, then go before the media, resign, and wait it out until someone else messes up and you're quickly forgotten. You're politically out, but maybe after a grand jury hearing, some form of "punishment" or a slap on the proverbial wrist, and you're back out there, writing books and doing charity boxing matches against Danny Bonaduce.

But no. Rod the Retahd decides he's not going to give up anything he hasn't worked/stolen hard to make during his career, cut no losses, and run his name as far into the mantle of the earth as possible, never to be seen again.

The media blitz he is running isn't necessarily one of the more innovative of all time, but then again, Johnny Cochran has been gone for sometime.

He's using the Ole Out of Context bit, which is about as keen as the Ole Pull a Dollar by a String Gag, and the Ole I Got Your Nose Bit O' Sorcery.

"In the end, a lot of it was talk and exploring ideas," Blagojevich said. "I never, ever intended to violate any criminal law."

I can't wait for this guy to actually be prosecuted. Scotty the Body said it first: It's only going to get worse.

Blago will be selling a different seat in prison.