WASHINGTON -- White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel on Monday announced that his left hand would be appointed as the White House Bringer of Pain and Knuckle Sandwiches, effective immediately.
"That's right, butterscotch. And he's ready to work," said the former Illinois congressman, who is often seen as one of the brains behind President Obama's quick-moving agenda.
"All those who want a one-way ticket on the Pain Train, step right up and get your ticket," said a sleeveless Emanuel. "And all you kids who think I'm kidding, you can come get a taste first."
Vice President Joe Biden says he's glad that someone will finally be able to enforce what the cabinet has been proposing since Day 1 of the Obama Administration.
"It's not like we want to take people to Fist City, but frankly, that's what it comes to sometimes in the Oval Office," said Biden, pointing to his own slightly blackened eye. "That's the price you pay."
The appointment marks the most recent addition to the Obama cabinet, including the Vice President's Chairman of the Bummer-Reduction task force, Attorney General Eric Holder's Viceroy of Keeping It Real, and Sec. of State Hillary Clinton's Director of National Thursday Nite Ladies' Nite.
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