Has Everything That's Going To Be Said Been Said Already On Health Care?

The President last week gave a prime time address over the health care debacle that has the country in fits, one way or another. He didn't really get into too many details (I don't know about you, but I was very surprised by that [/sarcasm]). He did clear up what he said to be outright lies and mistruths on the matter, such as death panels and insurance for illegals, which lead to Joe Wilson making the unfortunate headlines of the evening and making Nancy Pelosi's contort into a shape that can only be described as really, really hilarious.

Conversely, Sen. John McCain went on to the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien last week to discuss the matter in a more prime time setting, as he is the most respected Republican whose opinion is trusted and therefore the most credible voice of the party and as that setting is the only platform the GOP can wrangle at this point: the late night talk show circuit.

McCain didn't say much either, only that the real problem is that the two aisles are not coming together to speak and work together and that's getting America all angry. This was followed by a cheesy-electric-guitar sequence a la Full House, Growing Pains, Step by Step and every other family-based situational comedy from the early 90's, provided by Max Wienberg and the Tonight Show Band.

So you've got the two most respected voices of the respective parties -- Obama and McCain -- setting up a pretty loose fence, and inside, the same stuff we've been hearing about all summer. "We're not signing this without the public option." "We're not signing this thing if it has the public option." "We'll you're stupid." "Oh yeah? Well, YOU'RE stupid." "I'm going to hold a town hall meeting to explain the crap out of this thing for my constituents." "I'm going to load that meeting with people who don't want to hear anything you're saying, and yell things that I am almost certain you don't want to hear."

And on and on and on. Rinse. Repeat.

I don't think that anything that's going to be said on health care hasn't already been said. We're still waiting for the Senate Finance Committee to get in gear and put something out there that is supposedly going to be able to pay for this sweeping yet seemingly necessary reform. And barring some unexpected new kink they might throw into their bill -- which I'm told is not going to include a public option -- basically, you'll mash up all the House and Senate bills and voila! Health care reform bill.

Good luck getting it passed. The document, which I'm sure is just going to be a hellish gargantuan of a document that must feed on smaller House and Senate bills for sustenance, is probably going to have language that will offend both the right and the left. The former will dig in their heels, and the latter will use their majority to push. I don't see it getting passed.

Is there anything else to say? I think so. Nobody's willing to play ball. The left says they want a bipartisan bill, but have relinquished very little. The right also says they want a bipartisan bill, but have done quite a lot to simply kill the reform dead.

I think one of the biggest problems that the right has with the bill is that they believe the public option is simply a foot in the door for a single-payer system down the eventual road, which a lot of folks aren't going to get behind. The left seems mystified that they have a majority status and somehow their polling numbers have hit the bottom of the barrel since this health care "discussion" got started.

Politics is about giving, taking, and making deals, then gussying them up to show off to your constituency. Very rarely is it about seeing who's going to be the first team to loosen their grip.

Busy Today, But Here's This Bit O' Funny

White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase

Rep. Joe Wilson Ready to Capitalize On His Catchphrase "You Lie!"

WASHINGTON -- U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., now infamous for his outburst at President Obama's joint session speech on health care, says he's going to "strike the iron while it's hot" putting out a new line of merchandise featuring his hilarious and popular catchphrase "You lie!"

"We're gonna get some t-shirts, ball caps, koozies, stuff like that for starters," said Wilson, from his office covered in "You Lie!" banners with a DJ spinning records on a "You Lie!" table, featuring a new Black Eyed Peas jam "You-You-You-You! You Lie!."

"You've gotta start small, but we're confident we're gonna get the ball rolling pretty good," Wilson said.

Fox has already devoted a thirty minute block of a new game show, You Lie!, to replace whatever show is dropped mid-season, in which contestants will either have to tell a tale about certain things they have done to Wilson's face, and he will proclaim whether or not they are telling the truth, by yelling "You lie!" or "You (don't) lie!"

"This is tantamount to other wonderful catchphrases that swept the nation in recent history, such as 'Eat My Shorts', "Whazzzzuuuupp?!", and 'Cool Beans,'" said Fox director of marketing Richard North. "Anybody who doesn't think we're going to milk this sucker is," North paused, while chuckling, "Well, I'd just have to say 'You lie!'"

The White House Communications Office, immediately after accepting Wilson's red-faced apology, began to work on their own counter-catchphrase, now deciding between "hell nah" and "b*tch please," with the latter currently in the lead.

Sen. Dorgan Launches New Media Campaign 15 Months Before State Has Internet Capability

BISMARCK, N.D. -- In a public relations snafu, Sen. Byron L. Dorgan, D-N.D., and his staff had created, updated and publicised a facebook and twitter account, as well as a regularly updated blog, 15 months prior to the expected arrival of the internet to North Dakota.

The internet has been slated to be available to North Dakotans in December of 2010 or later. Dorgan's office says it "just plain forgot" the state was lacking the social utility, and "wanted to keep up with everyone else."

"Dag nab it, I don't understand these things to begin with," said Dorgan from Washington. "Everyone says you gotta do these things, so I did it. I just figured out how to send a fax, now I gotta type on my phone? Christ."

The senator's staff - none of whom are from North Dakota - say they never knew in the first place forgot as well.

"I mean, we've never had to go there. You pretty much have to drive, there aren't really airports, just big fields with way too many rocks," said 23-year-old senior press manager Ginger Franklin, who graduated from Florida State University in May.

Backlash is expected to be fierce by the time news of the mishap gets back to North Dakota, which is expected to be somewhere near November of 2010, as it will travel almost entirely by word-of-mouth and morse code.