Delicately Handling The Curmudgeon Sector

Very good work here from the Beltway webbing site Politico regarding the woes that President Obama is having to deal with regarding health care. Senior citizens are some of the ones making the most noise at these health care town hall meetings that is giving Democrats fits and giving those on the far aisles of the right-wing fits of giggling.

This probably accounts for the amount of cane-related injuries involved. And why I've been hearing the terms "whippersnapper" and "fiddlefartin'" flying around so often.

While this is a problem for Obama right now, peddling to the geriatric masses is something all politicians have to find a way to deal with. They vote in record numbers, they're the most vocal constituency that most the delegates have, they're inherently suspicious after decades of experience in dealing with politicians, politicians, by the way, who are now a few decades their junior, and if they ever joined together to form some kind of compact or union, could crush America under their army of Panzeresque Buicks.

Put it this way: If Seniors could ever muster the technological know-how to create a blog, it'd be the most rabid and most updated blog out there. It'd make Matt Drudge look like Walter Cronkite.

Point being, they're a handful for anybody. It's time somebody put together some political rules to dealing with our octogenarian friends, and their older buddies.

Have Everything Wrapped Up By 4:30 pm: They're up every day around 4:30 in the morning. The Early Bird Special goes from 4 to 6, and Golden Girls comes on right before bed, around 6:30. If they make it to 8 in the evening, Murder She Wrote comes on, forcing seniors to stay up until 9. God help us if it's a Wednesday night and those two Matlock episodes come on (back to back!).

Point being, have stuff wrapped up promptly. As soon as you see some guy leaning in his seat to stretch out his high-socked leg, it's time to close up shop: You've said everything they're going to hear.

Speak Louder: It doesn't matter how loudly you're speaking, sir or ma'am, I'm going to need you to speak up. Speak up. No really, shouting is not offensive. Just soften your natural-yelling expression a little bit, sonny, no blue-faced young buck is going to tell that guy what's good and bad for him by talking down to him like that, by God.

It's just that they can't hear you in the back or the middle. Or really past the third row. If you're speaking as loud as humanly possible without ripping your vocal chords into shreds like a Quentin Tarantino film, maybe invest in some speakers that go up to eleven. Or some of those little ear horns that look like gramophones for your ear hole.

Otherwise be accused of not telling these people anything. Sure, four people in that stadium might have heard you, but it's very likely that even if they heard you, they already forgot what it was you were saying. So, speak up or sit down. Now that Perry Como, he could talk to an audience.

Offer Free Stuff: And not campaign stickers. Fans, glasses, tee-shirts, gift cards. These people lived through the Depression, and many think they're in one again. It is their impulse to hoard and thank their benevolent granters.

Plus, some have many dozens of grandchildren, all of which in need of a good stocking stuffer.

Don't Eat Your Dinner In The Living Room: Just don't do it. Same rule goes for lounging on your bed with your feet by the pillows. That's what recliners are for, butterscotch. If any pictures of these activities, please post them online where they will be hitherto unattainable to anyone over the age of 65.

Reference 'The Good Ole Days' As Much As Humanly Possible: It doesn't matter that taxes, percentage-wise, were higher when Reagan was in office. It doesn't matter that things like segregated schools and water fountains existed. Ignore any and all progress society has made over the last 50 years or so.

Referencing 'The Good Ole Days' doesn't necessarily remind people of how good it really used to be before these kids screwed everything up, with their rap/rock and roll and their baggy pants, and their women working in gainful employment, because frankly, stuff wasn't as good as they "remember" it being.

But it gives them that old "reminding" feeling when you reference those nostalgic days of yore. These instances of having that reminding feeling are also becoming more and more fleeting for this demographic, so one would do well to encourage a collective sort of remembrance, where one's constituency can simply nod their head, give slight and affirming gestures to those sitting around them, and look like they know what's going on, when in fact, they're trying to remember where they parked the Oldsmobile.

Attach Nazis To Your Opposition's Cause: It doesn't matter which side your on. Democrats, Republicans, Independents, heck, even Socialists and Communists would do well to relate whatever their opposition is doing and saying, or not doing and not saying, to Adolf Hitler, the Third Reich, the Luftwaffe or concentration camps.

All of these things associated with Naziism, certainly and undoubtedly evil, have become the only symbol of not only evil, but anything that's just bad. Everything bad in their life can somehow be channelled to hatred of Nazis, including osteoporosis, arthritis and that health care thing that the pretty Palin lady says is going to set up death camps.

And that Palin is a sassy lady who likes to show the ankles. She must be right.

Have Numerous Bathroom Stations Set Up: This goes without saying. If you're certain that these people need to hear your message, put speakers up in the restrooms or port-o-potties. Also, make them comfortable, they could be there awhile.

Geithner: Confidence Abounds!

So the Bad Bank thing that isn't a Good Bank because it is supposed to be a Bad Bank and the nearly trillion dollars in guaranteed-ish government spending doesn't resonate to well with the people running the market? What gives?

Didn't they see that a majority of our legislators in the Senate voted for such a stimulus? When have they ever been wrong?

Didn't Obama say this was all going to work? President Obama makes homes for the homeless appear out of thin air; Who are you to say differently, Marketeers?

You've got some nerve going against the President of these United States. I mean, you didn't have to vote for him, but you ought to support him and his plan to put all of these what most describe as "toxic" assets into one bank, and then just do what he says and invest in them.

I mean, "toxic" can have all sorts of cool meanings. Britney Spears? Ring any bells? And think of how many superheroes you know who fell in a toxic vat and were able to lift cars and stuff? Come on man.

This is paraphrasing, but I hear the news on the street today. As it seems, many aren't so keen on the idea of this stimulus bill, which many think is unstructured and unsuitable at this point.

But the bill also passed in the Senate. Which means while our bankers — those who deal with money on a primary basis, rather than other various and far-reaching political agendas — don't agree, or at least, aren't willing to stick their necks out for it anyway.

While faith in a new government economic program is by no means a prerequisite to immediately passing such a bill, it doesn't hurt. Our market relies heavily on mood, which is an odd thing to base livelihood on.

Plus, and this should go without saying, the bankers and brokers on Wall Street that govern the market's ebb and flow are the boneheads who couldn't regulate themselves enough and put us in this mess in the first place.

I can just hear the Founding Fathers now: "Just when the government gives you kids some responsibility, you blow it. You're grounded."

Iran and U.S. Plan to Start Family Fun Band, Tour to Begin Soon

Everything I learned about Iran and U.S. relations I learned from this documentary-type video.

Today and yesterday, CNN yielded two stories concerning Iran, each basically contributing two different sides of the same story. The story is that President Obama is open to the idea of having progressive discourse of a civil nature with the nation that his predecessor dubbed an Axis of Evil, along with math and one of them Koreas, and that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is down for the cause as well.

Needless to say, there's been a bit of a rift between these two over the past few decades.

Right now, at this preliminary stage, it's hard to say you're against this. But it comes with a tremendously large caveat that a number of steps should be taken before we hustle some of our boys over there to start shaking hands and having drinks with the guys.

"There's been a lot of mistrust built up over the years, so it's not going to happen overnight," Obama said.

That's good. Because overnight, the crowd of thirty thousand or so that Ahmadinejad was speaking to at the 30th anniversary of the Islamic revolution were saying some ungood words toward the American ilk.Not to be labeled an alarmist or anything, but words like "DEATH TO AMERICA" blared over loudspeakers and in unison can be a liiiiiiittle unsettling.

And I'm not sure what to think of this Ahmadinejad fellow, but I fear he might be an Islamic Mike Huckabee; all charming religious rhetoric, but very little common sense (e.g. that whole denying the Holocaust bit might ruffle some feathers). But while the Huckster's only national claim to fame was dropping a few pounds and looking like Jim Nabors, Ahmadinejad's claim is being defiantly outspoken and developing nuclear technologies.

It's a good thing that hey say they're only going to develop their nukes "to harness it for energy" and such! I was beginning to worry that they might want to do the expected thing and go ahead and put a few confidential nukes away just in case someone decides to get ansty-in-their-pantsy. As long as their not doing that, anyway.

Obama reached out to the Muslim community in a way unparalleled by his honky predecessors in his first address as president to a Muslim television station, and even inaugural speech. I doubt you remember it, what with Beyonce's singing (DESTINY'S CHILD! OMIGAH!) at the ball later that night, so here's a highlight:

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West: Know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

As long as all of this holds firm — nuclear arms and all — we should be okay. But then again, let's wait and see how many of these items — destroying nuclear technogadgets on Iran's side and lynching Bush in a public forum on America's side — are actually done to progress these talks.

Likely, I'm sure.